Friday, January 16, 2009

Our D...i...v..o..r..c...e

This subject has been on my mind a lot recently. No - I am not getting a divorce. LOL I am having to deal with children of divorce & the crazy ex wife, and am also handholding another lady who is in the process.

I have been divorced once. I know there are good reasons to divorce, rather than continue to stay together & rip each other apart. So, I'm not knocking it, or saying it is always a bad thing. Sometimes, it is the best thing. With that said, people need to think about the ones who can be hurt the worst from it, and tread softly.

Your kids. Stop looking at one another with hate. Stop trying to win. Stop using everyone and everything as your pawn. You say that you love your kids more than anything? Prove it! Be the adult, and leave the kids out of the process & aftermath, as much as possible. The best thing you can do for your kids, is encourage them to love the other parent. You know why? Because otherwise, that child will grow up feeling they have to chose. And you know what? As terrible a spouse as your ex might have been - that doesn't negate their ability to be a good parent. We divorce our spouses, not our kids.

Just because you, or your spouse, failed in the marriage, does not give you, or them, the right to make your kids pay for it. These kids were made in love. Remember that? Once upon a time, you loved your ex. They were brought into this world because of that. Why is it so damned hard to give that gift to your children? To not focus on the negative, but on the positive you had with the other parent? To remember & share with them the good times. So they can grow up into well adjusted adults, instead of a statistic for how screwed up children of divorce are.

Here's a mental picture for you.

The choice is yours.

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